baby_pink87's Xanga

''Guys and Dolls''

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 06:17:58 GMT

Gosh its been a long long time since I've blogged here.
In the midst of my study break (a rather unproductive one), I have been plagued by various thoughts regarding girls and self-esteem in this time and age.

Guys, you may think this statement is unfair to you.
(and rightly so, given that I am not a guy)
but I am going to be be brutally honestly here (because each is entitled to his own opinion yeah?)
I believe that the main reason girls have such low self-esteem is because of you.

So many beautiful girls I know don't think they look good enough.

And why so?

Because there is all this insane pressure from everyone (but especially guys) to look good 24/7.
To have big boobs, flat stomach and long, toned legs.
To have 34-24-36 statistics.
To always be immaculately groomed.
To look like a Victoria's Secret model.
I could go on.

Some guys may argue that it is the media's fault for constantly portraying images of what they think women 'should be'. No doubt that the media plays a big role in doing so. I am completely certain that the self-esteem of an average woman has dropped significantly over the past 100 years due to the powerful influence of the media.
Nevertheless, I am not shifting the blame away from the guys.

Some of you may be oblivious to this, I am aware.
But do realize that your little comments along the way do affect the way we think.
So many times have we heard comments that go from:

'Look at her face! She should be walking around with a paper bag'
to
'Wow. Check out her legs. What I would give to....'
to
'Who invited the whale along?'

Are you so dumb as to think that none of these words matter to girls?

Both comments, as different as they both are, each take a stab at our self-esteem even though they may not be directed at us.
We wonder if we are prettier than paper-bag-girl.
We plead desperately to God to give us legs like the leggy-girl.
We diet/puke/starve ourselves so we won't ever be likened to a 'whale'.
No wonder no girl is ever satisfied with the way they look

I've been a witness to far too many situations where guys take a stab at a girl for not being anywhere near the 'ideal/perfect woman'.
It irks me every single time.
At times, I am even tempted to chant an African curse on those guys so that they will wake up one morning as an obese girl with bad acne.
(HA!!!! NOT SO JUDGMENTAL NOW ARE YOU!?)

I ask the question, who gives guys the right to judge each girl that walks by?
Although yes, I do understand that guys are made visual; hence their comments on what they first see.

But is it so hard to restrain their comments?
To realize that every word that flows from their mouths is a stab at a girl they love
(whether its a sister, girlfriend or friend)

The ironic thing is that after all they say and all they do,
they get frustrated at us girls for having such a low self-esteem.

It's laughable.

They make fun of the way we look ('but I didn't mean it!')
and then the next minute they say 'Why are you so insecure??'

REALLY, guys.
Is it our fault that we feel that way?
When we are daily being (subconciously I presume) compared to the likes of Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johanssen, Jessica Alba.
Geez, guys.
Who do you think you are?
Lol.

A friend once told me that her boyfriend was never satisfied with how she looked.
Her boobs were too small.
Her thighs were too big.
Her arms were too flabby.

Wave after wave of depression crashed over her
as she struggled to lose more and more weight.
She lost up to 18kgs to please her boyfriend.
At which point he told her that her boobs were now non-existant.

I was then very tempted to do another African curse chanting thingi (not that I know how to) on that very boyfriend.

An honest guy once admitted on MySpace:
'We make girls feel like they have to be perfect...'

How very true.

Anyway, this is nowhere near the end of my rant.
But I really need to get back to doing some work.

Talk soon!

***

Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with my boyfriend and my self-esteem. I think he's perfect and nothing like those jerks I mentioned up there. Hehe.

the end of 08.

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 12:03:44 GMT

Everyone has been posting a 'Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009' post;
so much so that I feel obligated in some way to do so -
although to be honest, an update has been long overdue (as always. SIGH)

And yes! Before I go into my breakdown of 2008, I must at least summarize how Battlegrounds in Sydney went!
57 crews were there from all over Austral-Asia;
which was insane because that meant that the audience/judges had to sit through 57 3-minute performances - even I got a little tired after about 10. Haha. But that being said, the whole experience was one SO memorable and one of the many highlights of my year.
To cut a long story short, we placed 12th in the Aus division and 21st in the Austral-Asian division.
So not TOO bad although I think the rest of the crew expected to do better.
Lol.

at circularquay!
Kody's freeze messing up our letters. lol

with Msian crew - Elecoldxhot

XCITE 2008

SO YES. Although I'm sure that wasn't quite the update about Battlegrounds that u expected (and one that does not do the whole experience any justice), I'm sure it will suffice - for the time being anyway! I'm a busy woman, not that much time to blog. It just so happens that I am feeling very sick atm and have nothing else to do while resting at home =P

So. What was 2008 for me?

Despite a few bumps along the way, it was my best year yet.
That's all I can say.

So many highlights of this year.
Dance and him being the 2 major ones.
The two things I love the most.
=)

So goodbye 2008, and hello 2009!
May THIS year be our best one ever.

*****

XCITE: Battlegrounds 2008

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 01:35:42 GMT

I can't believe December is finally here!
It feels like yesterday that XCITE won the Groove title of state champs, when in fact that was 6 months ago.
And tomorrow the crew will finally be flying off to Sydney to compete in Battlegrounds 2008.

This week has been one of immense pressure, stress, and tension but who can blame anyone? I'd be worried if we weren't pushing ourselves this last week with practices every night. To be honest, I'm not really sure what to expect from this humongous competition; all I know is that this is truly a once in a lifetime opportunity and I want to enjoy it with all my heart. How often does one get to compete in an international hiphop dance competition anyway? These days will be soon gone and I want to have something to show to my kids to prove that their mummy was cool. HAHAHA. Although hip-hop to them will probably be like disco to us by then. SIGH.

I'm excited because I'm just imagining the whole setup in the Sydney Olympic Park, the crowd, the atmosphere, the dancers - the top of the top from all over the world. And I can gurantee you that on the day itself, I will be mass msging alot of you in an attempt to calm my nerves although to be honest, only one person would probably be able to do that - and I wish with all my heart that my babe was coming with us . Sigh.

Anyway. The crew is flying off tomorrow on the 6am flight to Sydney and competing on the 7th (Sunday)
so wish us all luck and keep us in prayers -
that there'll be no major stuff ups (or bloody wardrobe malfunctions) and that we'll do our best .
Hehe.

Will update once I'm back!
GO XCITE!

Love
Fran

XCITE (Battlegrounds 2008 crew): David Ash Jaz Rudy Luana Daniel Fran Ivy Justin Nix Kody

*****

You Never Fail 2 Make Me Smile

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 14:53:23 GMT

\

Happy 22nd Birthday, babe! =)
To my best friend, soulmate and so much more...
I thank God for you everyday.
I love you..

*****

I Pray :

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 10:48:37 GMT

Here we go.
Exams start tomorrow and end on Thursday.
All squashed together.
GAH.

Why I'm studying law, is beyond me.

*forces self to see flashing $$$ signs all over her head*

GRRR.

Anyway. Aside from exams, I've been wondering...

WHAT IS THE FASTEST WAY TO GET SKINNY?!

I swear, I don't mind being a stick; just tell me already! LOL.
How do I stop craving bubble tea, chocolate, and all those fatty foods?
How do I get nice skinny legs and a smaller butt?
Naturally skinny girls who can eat whatever they want, should be hunted own by wild dogs when they complain that they've gained weight or are 'fat'.
*punches*

Summer is coming. Aka, going to the beach.
Hence, the random ranting.

[prays]: God, take control of my week, as I sit for these coming exams.
I know I haven't worked as hard as I could have but please help me focus and do my best for YOUR glory.
Please help all those stuck up, smart ass students in Evidence, Admin and Property screw up big time so that I will be scaled up.
Thank you..
Oh and please help me lose 5kgs this coming week.
I want to go to the beach the coming weekend.
You could make everyone else fat, so that I would look skinny in comparison but I reckon a lot less work is needed to just help me lose 5kgs 7kgs 10kgs.

Thank you, Lord!
I know You are capable of doing the impossible.

AMEN.

********

Bras & Things

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 15:58:30 GMT

So Choreographers Ball was last night - heaps of talented dancers performed there (including Xcite of course. LOL) and dance2xs' routine was hell awesome as usual; absolutely loved it. But yeah, anyway Xcite was there to showcase David's choreography, which is really quite an honour because only invited people get to perform their pieces @ CB.

However, wonder of wonders, yesterday was Xcite's day for the ultimate wardrobe malfunction.
Now that I look back on it, I can't help but laugh.

First things first, when we were rehearsing on stage, with all the dancers watching us in the audience, something really funny happened. Ash was dancing next to me for one part of the dance and there was a bit when I had to spin round and she had to go down. So spin I did. Except when I finished my spin, I ended up gazing into her horrified face. I was confused at her reaction but then 2 seconds later, my gaze followed hers.
Her pants had split completely. And ther was a humongous hole the size of USA.
Everything could be seen.
I didn't know whether to laugh or to continue dancing or to help her off the stage.
I just stood there, giggling while trying to shuffle her off stage.
Everyone else was pretty much oblivious to what had just happened and had continued dancing through the rehearsal, with the exception of Kody who could not stop laughing after either.

Well, despite how embarassed Ash was, she handled it pretty well and no one in the audience noticed her pants had split, although most were curious about the weird exit (aka her stumbling off stage running backwards). We were all grateful that it happened during the rehearsal and not during the actual performance.
I for one, should not have said anything like that.
*kicks self*

So performance time came and everyone was ready after a hard days work of practice.
It was a 5 minute routine.

2.5 minutes into it, JOYYYY.
My bra started falling off - as in it unhooked itself and started its journey south.
As I was dancing, my brain could not focus on anything else but the thought of what if it went all the way down.
It was such a struggle but I pushed myself to focus and to just dance it through - like the very professional dancer I am (LMAO).

It got harder and harder as my bra dropped lower and lower. The straps were flapping in the breeze for everyone in the audience to see (well, friendst later told me that they couldn't see anything but then again, they were sitting way at the back so... ) BUT YES. I missed 4 whole beats when I had to yank my whole bra up before hurriedly continuing again. I never wanted the routine to finish so quickly before.
At each performance, I wish it would last longer, but this time round it felt like hours.
Oh God.

It was so not my night.
It sucks to know when you could have done so much better and when something so small like a wardrobe malfunction affects u doing ur best.
GAHHHH.
Oh well, lesson to be learnt I guess.
Don't bother wearing a bra when u dance.
HAHAHA jk.

*****

SYDNEYYYY.. 6 weeks away!

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 05:39:42 GMT

Got this in my email today.
WOOHOOOOO.
Can't believe the crew's headed to Sydney in 5/6 weeks!
Hell excited about it

Media Release: 24th October 2008

WORLD SUPREMACY BATTLEGROUNDS TO IGNITE HIPHOP SHOWDOWN

500 DANCERS, 50 HIP-HOP DANCE GROUPS, 6 COUNTRIES, ULTIMATE BATTLE IN DECEMBER

Oct 24, Sydney NSW -
The 4^th Annual WORLD SUPREMACY BATTLEGROUNDS Hip Hop Dance Championship
is about to unleash some of the best hip-hop dancers and b-boys in Australasia.

Over fifty dance groups and five hundred dancers from six Australian States, New Zealand, Singapore, Malaysia, Japan and the Philippines will meet in Sydney Olympic Park Sports Centre on December 7 to stage the biggest hip-hop international championship in the region.

Hip-Hop’s street origins associate it with ‘street cool’. The BATTLEGROUNDS Championship has become an increasingly popular global brand that exudes cool, innovation, ingenuity and passion.

Managing Director Marco Selorio says,

“This is going to be the best hip-hop dance show of the year. Forget the reality TV competitions – BATTLEGROUNDS is the most electrifying showdown you will experience, the ultimate hoe down. Once you get a taste of it, you’ll end up shaking on the dance floor.”

A bold new generation of dancers have embraced hip-hop and sharpened their skills to a whole new level on stage. They will showcase a number of styles, including old school and new school, boogaloo, popping and locking, break dance and KRUMP combined with elements of funk, jazz and street moves. The three major categories include the Open, Junior and High School divisions.

The judging panel include noted choreographers Juliette Verne from UDC (NSW), SYTYCD Australia finalist JD - Joel de Cateret (VIC) and internationals Nao Takagi (Japan), “Free” Crawford (USA) and SYTYCD NZ finalist Justin Haiu (New Zealand).

For more information on World Supremacy BATTLEGROUNDS, visit www.groovetv.com.au

Gold tickets are $35 (plus booking fee) and will go on sale next Tuesday October 28 from TICKETEK (www.ticketek.com.au)

****

YAY..!

: I Get On My Knees

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 17:28:04 GMT

Just something brief to share.
I was doing the usual random blog-surfing that I usually do (thanks to Google Reader!) and today, I stumbled across the blogs of a boyfriend and a girlfriend - no names shall be mentioned although I doubt many of you even know who I am talking about; they're not from Perth. Lol

They've been together for maybe about 3-4 years now. And I know many people look up to them for countless reasons. But as I took in their blogs today, I was just so astounded by the level of maturity and commitment they had. Not just in terms of loving each other, but in terms of serving others, serving in church and excelling in the area of studies as well As I read through their thoughts posted on their blog, I couldn't help but feel so blessed and inspired by what they shared, both as individuals and as a couple.

I know this is random and most of you will not be able to appreciate this post.
But I just felt that I had to scribble this down.

One particular song that was on one of the blogs was by Jaci Velasquez; and I sat there and let the song play, I was just so touched by the beauty of the words and the simplicity of the melody.

There are days when I feel
The best of me is ready to begin.
Then therere days when I feel
Im letting go and soaring on the wind.
cause Ive learned in laughter or in pain
How to survive.

I get on my knees, I get on my knees;
There I am before the love that changes me.
See I dont know how, but theres powr
When Im on my knees.

I can be in a crowd
Or by myself, in almost anywhere
When I feel theres a need
To talk with God; He is Emmanuel.
When I close my eyes no darkness there,
Theres only light.

I get on my knees, I get on my knees;
There I am before the love that changes me.
See I dont know how, but theres powr
In the blue skies, in the midnight
When Im on my knees.

*****

Psalm 91:2
This I declare of the Lord;
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God and I am trusting Him.

Of long long letters..

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 16:34:23 GMT

LOL.

Its so funny how after the last couple of posts, quite a few people actually came up to me going
'So is your 21 year old self gonna write another letter to the 30 year old self??'

Haha. WE SHALL SEE.

Oh yes.
A few days ago, I was having a browse through my old diaries (from 10 years old) with Jason.
And as he was flipping through my 3rd or 4th diary (when I was roughly about 14/15 years old), he stopped and suddenly became extremely quiet.
His face turned to one of confusion as he read it.

I glanced up at him, realizing was wrong and moved towards him to see what he was reading. He pulled back instinctively and refused to let me see it, telling me to wait. I frowned, sensing something very off but at the same time, knew that nothing dodgy had been scribbled down in that particular diary.

2 minutes later, he burst out laughing and tossed a loose sheet of paper at me.
I anxiously picked it up and started reading...

dear jason..

i know we've only been going out 2gether for a week or so...
well i'm writing this to you because as much as i like you, i feel that we have to break up..
but please, don't stop coming to church because of me. i'd still like to be friends.
good friends if possible but not boyfriend/girlfriend.
this has been a very hard decision to make and i know that i may have hurt you
or embarrassed you and i want to apologize for it.
......
...........
etc etc etc.
......
...........

*****

it was my break up letter to my first 'bf' - when i was 14 - who coincidentally was also named Jason.
LOL and for a minute, poor (current) Jason thought it was a letter to him.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
OMG.
I found this extremely hilarious.
teeeheee..

ANYWAY.

No big updates other than I had an awesome 21st birthday (1.5 weeks ago) thanks to my one and only Jason Tay =)
And dance for SearchForAStar went pretty good - at least I think it did.
Photos all up on Facebook.

One other big event is coming up - Choreographer's Ball: Fiesta 2008.
David (Xcite's crew leader) was invited to choreograph for that so we'll be performing then,
alongside other crews including the very talented ppl in Dance2xs.
I only wish it weren't so close to exams. Eeeeeps.
And we've only learnt half the routine, with only 1.5 weeks to go.
-starts sweating profusely-

: The Reply @ 20-One

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 17:45:20 GMT

To my dearest 14 year old Frances Lyn,

You don't know how much your letter meant to me when I found it a week ago.
As I sat there and took in every question you asked, I could barely stop smiling.
And now that I am officially 21,
I am prepared to answer all the question you so eagerly asked me those 7 long years ago.

I know one question that you're dying for me to answer is whether I am happy.
In all truth, I have never been happier.
I wish with all my heart that the little 14 year old Frances would've known then how happy she would be at this age of 21.
I wish I could have told you that there was absolutely no need to worry
- that things would be more than alright.

That being said, it hasn't always been an easy journey.
Disappointments, regrets, heartache, fear, insecurities, failure were also a part of those 7 years.
But it is because of those things I encountered that I am now the person I am at 21 -
I am still learning each day, I am still (occasionally) flailing about wildly, I am still faced with difficult decisions;
but I am at a stage in my life where I feel blessed beyond comprehension.

Listening to you talk about how insecure you are already at the tender age of 14 hurts my heart
because it shows me how little that part of Frances Lyn has changed.
I'm sad to say that even 7 years later, the older you still struggles with her insecurities.
I am determined though, that this year will be a year of change
- that Frances Lyn will walk into her 22nd birthday, so much more confident in herself,
knowing that her security comes from Him.

Oh yes.
14 year old Frances Lyn, you may not believe this but the 21 year old you did eventually find something she loved to do more than anything in the world.
Believe it or not, she loves to dance.
And if my memory serves me right, it was at the very age of 14 that she started choreographing and developing an intense love for dance that since then, has just grown every single day. I only wish you knew this back then, instead of constantly comparing yourself to others.
I wish you knew that the 21 year old you would be dancing with WA's top dance crew (GO Xcite!).
How much that would have boosted your confidence.

And of course, 7 years later..
At 21.
You'll be happy to know that you do find love. With your best friend.
If I had shown you a photo of him when you were 14, you would not have believed your eyes.
Your exact words perhaps (combined with some drool maybe): 'Shut. Up!!'
But believe it or not, the 21 year old you is with her very hot best friend.
A guy who makes her feel like she's the luckiest girl alive.
Who loves her the way she deserves to be loved, who makes her laugh so much she can roll off a bed, who burps along loudly with her, who tells her she's beautiful even when she feels otherwise, who is even more vain than she is, who has a much better sense of style than she has (she often cannot be bothered), who is so patient with her she's constantly amazed, who understands her and loves her for her weird self, who is the most caring and sweet guy ever and whose very smile lights up her day.

Tell me.
Would you have believed me if I had told you all this those many years ago?
Don't always think so negatively; God has continually showered blessing after blessing on you.

I am still on a journey with Him.
There are ups and downs but I can only pray that I will fall more in love with Him each day.
I miss how naive you were back then. I miss those years of ignorance.
Where the world had absolutely no hold on you;
Where life was simple, straightforward - with no distractions.
I am not going to lie to you; it gets harder. To walk in integrity. To chart a life knowing your priorities in the Lord.
Enjoy those early years of being a teen. It goes by way too fast.
If there was one thing I could leave with you, it would be to guard your heart.
( Proverbs 4:23 )

With this, I'm signing off.
I hope you do realize that your life really does get better in those next 7 years.
Its not perfect at 21. But I must say, I couldn't ask for anything more.

Love,
21 year old Frances Lyn.